I always seem to want to sugar-coat myself so I seem... normal. But I'm not, and that's supposed to be my biggest advantage, not an obstacle. So what am I even afraid of?
We all have a past riddled with experiences of being bullied or picked on for some reason. For me, it was that I am just... weird. No other way to explain it, really. Fitting in was really difficult, and took me many decades to achieve.
Success Is Sour
Just when I perfected my ability to fit in came the new craze of "being yourself." It was not only fashionable, but a strategic business tactic! Despite knowing this, I've maintained a distance with my work that was designed to portray me as just your average Jane. Nothing special here! Except that doesn't really fly with the whole business approach. People want weirdness. They want to know somewhere out there is another weirdo just like them.
That's so hard. Switching gears from being an acceptable member of society to just blatantly revealing the messed up quirky person I really am isn't an easy ask. But big rewards require big risk and big challenge, right? Guh.
In business, there's also the idea of planning. How do you plan yourself? I've tried to set up a plan to incrementally reveal aspects of myself over time. You know, slowly dish out the crazy and see how it goes little by little. And I think that would probably work for some people, but it doesn't work for me. Slow and steady is for progress. Being myself? I think I've got to headbutt the wall full force, all at once. That's just how I am, apparently.
So I start here. That picture above? Yeah, that was taken earlier this year. I LOVED that hair color. It's not that way anymore, though. I felt judged. I felt stupid. I dyed all but the front black and let it fade out until it was normal again (my about me picture was taken after that had happened).
Why? Because crazy colors aren't acceptable for a 35 year old. Because green-blue hair makes me stand out, not fit in. Because many people believe it's all for attention.
It wasn't. Honestly, I like strange colors for two reasons: 1) the color affects my mood when I look in the mirror, basic psychology, and 2) because the first time I dyed my hair a crazy color, the guy that had been abusing me at the time "left" me. It's a symbol of freedom and triumph to me.
But that's not how the world tends to see it. So in my old age, I've become rather conflicted about it.
What Does This Have To Do With Anything?
Maybe nothing? But a big part of freelancing and internet business is sharing your uniqueness, allowing people to see that bit of crazy that is you and identifying with it. Russell Brunson advocates letting the haters hate, and focusing on those that are drawn to you naturally. So this is my way of ramming through that wall.
Are you deterred? I guess I'll have to live with that. It's scary, revealing the crazy truths about yourself and being vulnerable to trolls. But nothing worth doing is easy. So bring it.
What are your thoughts?
Maybe I'll see you tomorrow, when I start getting down to business about, well, business. Maybe not. Either way, I'll be here at 9a as per usual. ;)
As I begin this anew, I know only one thing: that I know nothing. Learn with me, and together we will figure this out.
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